Regrets

I don't buy into the "No Regrets" moniker.
In fact, the day before my former friend got fired, I watched a very inspirational video about living with regrets, and NOT regretting regrets. (TED Talk)
God sends amazing things my way. I had no idea how much I would need that in the next few days, or how blessed I would be by the song "It Is Well With My Soul."
Those first few days after I lost B were tough. I felt so betrayed and hurt and foolish, but I didn't doubt that the mistakes were hers, not mine, as was the broken trust and hurt. My husband pointed out he's a better judge of character than I am, and he didn't see her doing what she did. No one did. That's what made it so tough.
Back to regrets: for a brief moment, I regretted almost every good thing about this year. I regretted B was my Maid of Honor in my wedding, and that we shared so much of those happy moments earlier this year. I regretted that still I care about her sons and her sisters and her family affairs; that I stalk her on Facebook but don't talk directly to her anymore. Then I kind of shook out of it. I regret those things only in silly past-tense. Through the filter of today, I wish I had done things differently months ago, and that is unfair. I don't regret the fun she, her sister, and I had my wedding day. I don't regret how I trusted her completely until about a month ago, and she didn't trust me the same way. I don't regret being friends, I just regret how it ended, and how flawed she seems to me now. I regret not seeing the signs for what they were months ago, and for blaming my brother for the money that was missing. I am so proud of the man he's becoming.
It's the end of the year. I do not walk forward with no regrets, I walk forward hoping to learn from my mistakes. Maybe it will help me be a better friend and wife.